How wonderful to see you all again, it is I your humble Narrator! I know that the times have not been kind to old fashioned narrators such as myself, but no need to remind. Well, as you can guess, I am here to tell you another story. I know imagine a Narrator with a story, how novel? My body form smiles at the thought.

Well, before I start with the beginning I will give a summary. Reader come join our Hash on this Saturday at 1330 and start the debauchery at 1400. But what about the theme? Well come with me dear reader, this is the fun part.

So once upon a sweltering Beijing summer day, I was sitting at a table in a meat restaurant. As was my want I was reading Milton. Now, I understand what you are going to think, ‘Shouldn’t you be reading Milton in the meat closet in the rear of the restaurant? Poking packages of cool processed beef with your index finger and remembering the spirit of a paradise lost?’ And to that I must say, ‘most astute my friend, but please step out of my mind and allow me to continue the story.’ I turned and smiled to the waiter twenty meters away from me. “I’ll eat in here today!” I shouted in a language he didn’t understand, but I was understood because he looked down at the floor.

Just as I savored this authentic moment of human connection, three gentlemen came to occupy the table across from me. The smell of meat in the place did not intimidate these men and I was fascinated immediately. They all seemed quite business like and referred to each other with intriguing pet names. Well at least two of them had names, but the third referred to himself as a kind of walking rabbit.

The second seemed to be droning on in a high pitched nasally voice about an overly technical topic involving candles and smelling salts. The first and the third stared at the second with eyes of incomprehension and gratitude for that incomprehension. After a thoroughly mind massaging amount of time, the first slammed his fist down onto the table. The squealy voice of the second ceased and the waiter intensified his examination of the floor tiles.

As the first raised his relaxed hand a small teabag revealed itself on the surface of the table. This teabag was small and very parched. In fact, I believe that it was one of the thirstiest teabags that I had ever seen and I have been around since people first told stories. The dryness of this bag could not be over stated. In fact, I could tell that some of the potted plants in the diner were volunteering their flesh to sate the thirst. However, house plants want for agency in the department of volunteering flesh. So, the teabag just slumped there under the intense hateful gaze of the first. Without breaking his sight of the teabag, he cruelly filled a cup with hot water and then coldly tipped the vessel into the trash.

The first then raised his gaze to the third and softened. The third met the eyes, farted, and then grunted in affirmation. The first nodded with dignity and turned to the second. The second did not meet the eyes of the first. He was too fixated on the poor and destitute teabag on the table. ‘How long had this culinary item been tortured? For how long must it travel in a lint filled jeans pocket? Another thirty years?’ As tears filled the second’s eyes he turned away. The commanding eyes of the first demanded a reply. The second turned back to the first and met the gaze. He ejaculated, “OLD ERECTIONS!” His two comrades grunted in solidarity. The people in the restaurant rose to their feet and clapped with their hands. Even I joined in.

Suddenly I realized that the third man was staring at me. His eyes were filled with logic and communicated something to me. As if transmitting a message through telegraph wire. As I decoded the message, I found that it had nothing to do with my old gray suit or my garter belt with the hidden hose beneath. Instead, it was that I must run! I must spread the word of old erections and I must find them. I must find every old bench, rusty irrigation pipe, crumbling brick wall, musty monastery, and I must smile in the eyes of every old man along the way.

I then tore out of the restaurant and down the street. Spreading my narrative goop along the trail in the form of white chalky discharges. As I ran the beef of my legs swelled and my old suit began to peel off of me. The onlookers were horrified with pride as I rocketed down the streets and canals. I lost myself in celebration of the old standing things around me and sank into the symphony of old erections.

As I cascaded back to the restaurant, dripping with sweat, stinking inexplicably of diesel fuel, my clothes threadbare falling off of me, I found a group of people in a circle. I joined them barefoot, hands-on hips and cocked forward, and erect with pride. “I have counted them all! We are in the presence of greatness! Let us jump rope and blow balloons! Special reward for you!”

With the thrill of release, I dissolved into the air as is the nature of narrative spirits. The faces of these new friends looked upon my fading form with what I could only interpret as hungry approval. Come join them!

Hash cash:

30rmb for beer stops and circle.

75rmb for dinner (NOTE: NO REFUNDS AFTER THE LAST BEER STOP)

Your Hares:

Necro-Feel-Me-Up; Teabag Virgin; Just Kai

Trail: Trail is A-A with bag drop at restaurant.

Hairy Hashers：Trail is dog-friendly

When: Saturday August 17, 1:30pm meet up 2:00pm start 

On-after:

Howling Run # 6 Starting at 1915 at our hash bar, Paddy O’Shea’s of course. Followed by which ever rooftop or gutter you end up in after two Hash events in a day.

D’erections to meet up spot: Line 17 Xibahe, Exit E 西坝河地铁站E口

Address:

Long Shun Shi Grilled Pork in Four Seasons (Shop Zoe House)

隆顺斋四季涮肉（左家庄店）

Upcoming Hareline:

Date (day) Run #xx – name of hare, name of hare, name of hare

25 August Run # 2165 – Pickboy, Loose Balls, John the Baptist 

31 August  Run # 2166 – AANS, Another Dick in the Wall, Just Dave 

07 September Run # 2167 – Red Snatcher, Pukelid Tax’y, HRD, Just Maggie 

15 September Run # 2168 – Pickleboy, AANS, Cock out knock out 

22 September Run # 2169 – Pickleboy, Just Ami B, Just Maggie Ma 

28 September Run # 2170 – Gloriass 4, Pukelid’s Tax’y, Polish MH, Snake Cunter